Brainless Robots

Everybody here at the Factory seems to think the new robot model we are building is coming along nicely, but, honestly, there is something truly wrong with it. I shouldn’t talk about it, but I need to tell somebody. I need to alleviate my conscience.

The robot is thing of beauty, yes. We have produced the strongest steel for its chassis, a blend of hard durable glass and aluminum for the muscles and joints, and, finally, a chrome finish that’s never been seen before. Problem is, this handsome robot we built is also dumb as bag of rocks.

We’ve spent all of our budget re-designing the face and body a thousand times. We have gone back and forth with its looks and meantime, our engineering team has run out of funds to build the brain. All the marketing team wants is a photogenic robot for the commercials. They couldn’t care less about how smart it is.

“Listen,” said our Creative Director, “people don’t buy companion robots for their brains. Nobody needs a robot to do their taxes. They have pocket computers for that. All that people want are robots that look pretty in their apartments.”

Of course, he was right. I’ve been in this business long enough to know that people are going to go nuts over our latest model. All those smart robots in the market will become outdated the moment ours is unveiled. Just give it a year and there will be one in every household. The robot with the lowest IQ ever is going to take over the world. And we’ll continue to make prettier and dumber robots year after year.

But, hey! Why should I care if nobody else does? I’m just going to finish redesigning its nose for the nth time and close shop for tonight.

Where does a robot engineer who truly cares about quality find a fulfilling job these days?

August 23, 2017


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