Upgrade High

Jean was my best friend and the only robot I knew really close. And once again, he was late for our appointment. I ordered a second drink, lighted up a cigarette and browsed the cocktail menu to keep myself occupied. I was too sober to wait in a bar all by myself.

Jean and I shared common interests, cars, girls, movies, but he had one habit that always made me uncomfortable. Every Friday he would stay home for hours, decluttering his brain and upgrading his software.

Finally I saw him walk through the door. Immediately I ordered a round for both of us.

“Sorry for the delay,” Jean said. “I took longer than I anticipated.”

“Why do you do it, Jean?” I said with an obvious look of concern in my face. “You are fine just as your are. Better than fine! Why do you need to keep plugging into the One and upgrading your firmware?”

“I want to be all up to date,” said Jean casually. “What nonsense are you speaking about anyways? What’s the matter with you?”

“Cheers!” I said as soon as our drinks arrived. I finished my drink in one gulp and waived at the waiter. “By changing your software,” I said, “you are technically changing your brain. Doesn’t that make you uncomfortable? Aren’t you afraid something could go wrong and your mind end up messed up.”

“How do you mean? A corrupted upgrade?”

“Or worse. I don’t know. A virus! Somebody could hack into your brain while you are connected, right?”

“The likelihood of something like that is one to every trillion robot uploads.” Jean said laughing. “You are more likely to run into a pure-breed than be hit by a corrupted upgrade.”

“If you want to get high, there’s got to be better ways of doing it, Jean.”

“Who said anything about getting high?”

“That’s a great idea! This whole conversation is making me anxious. Let’s finish our drinks and go buy some acid. I know a guy we can trust.”

“Speaking of messing up with our brains–”

“That’s what I say! Let’s go do it the way Mother Nature intended us to!”

“Really, I’ll never understand you humans.”

“Bottoms up!”