Visitors from Tomorrow

Look, the thing is, I never asked for my great-great-great-great-grandchildren to come visit me from the future. Yes, I married, yes, I had one daughter, and yes, I am guilty of putting her through life and giving her an education until she was self-sufficient.

But I fulfilled my obligations, didn’t I? I committed the crime and paid the price. For 20 years I paid the price.

And now, when I am finally childfree, finally retired and ready to enjoy life again, I find myself chased–no, not chased–hunted by my descendants from 300 years into the future.

I don’t care that in the year 3,000 they invented a time machine, and I don’t care that my first great-great-great-great-granddaughter is the President. Just because we share some DNA doesn’t make me anybody special.

Every night–every night I tell you–for the last 4 months somebody rings my bell. Another Zukovsky shows up in my doorstep with their funny clothes, and funny haircuts, and their kids, and that stupid smile in their faces–that they did not get from me.

“Look,” I tell them when my patience runs out, “why don’t you go back in time and fix the elections or the climate change? Why don’t you do something useful like that and leave me alone! My diner is getting cold!”

“Oh, we can’t,” they say, waving a hand through my body. “We are just holograms. We really can’t affect the past in any meaningful way.”

“That’s your excuse for showing up at my house unannounced and with no presents?” I tell them.

These people who come to “pay their respects” never apologize and they definitely have no sense of humor. For goodness shake, where did my bloodline go wrong?

Let me tell you, if you ever have a chance to give your kids good education and a bright future, don’t! You are risking the chance that one of your descendants will become a famous politician, or a scientist or worse–a famous actor! And then you can kiss your retirement goodbye.

Because you can be certain that the time machine will be invented, and somebody from the future will come knocking on your door to ruin your well deserved peace.

September 11, 2017


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