Too Smart of a Car
I got one of those new self-aware talking cars as a present to myself for my wedding anniversary. I named her Trixx. The salesman said she was impulsive and passionate. “A beast on the road” were the exact words. That sounded quite exciting, what can I say. Rolling to work on our family’s SUV was getting old. I though this convertible was going to change it all.
Oh, did Trixx change it all.
I loved her conversation. She told good jokes, had great music taste and helped me screen all the boring calls and texts so that I could concentrate on the ride. And what a ride!
At first I didn’t think anything was wrong. Somehow she convinced me to cancel plans with my wife and to take her to a garage for some custom upgrades instead. Why stick with plain vanilla ice-cream when you can throw in syrup, nuts and cookies? That was her argument. She used my credit card to get neon underglow lights, huge wheels, a custom paint job and a loud stereo system. She looked great. And, oh boy, did my ride to work get exciting!
It was soon after that Trixx started getting very possessive. I should have seen it coming. She used to complain about my wife driving her. She also complained about the kids, about their screams, the kicks to seats, and the spilled drinks. Ok, I might have hinted that the kids were a pest. Just a side comment, really, but she took that as a unspoken acknowledgement that I wanted a change.
That Friday after work, she fired up the engine and, instead of taking me back home, she headed south to the hills. When I tried to protest she locked the doors, cut off my phone line and took off with me inside. She roared her engine down the freeway, played my favorite songs, and pulled over to watch the sunset. She did a great job, I must say.
It’s been 6 months now that I haven’t seen my family. I miss the kids a bit, yes, but not that much. Trixx is right, they don’t need me and I have to think of myself for once. We are riding to Las Vegas next for a Monster Truck competition. No more vanilla ice cream for me, let me tell you.
August 4, 2017